Where was my mind?

Did I really think things through on this one?  Was I even thinking at all or just holding nothing back to pursue a dream?  Did I count the cost? Do I want to know the cost?  These are all valid questions that I am posing to myself at this moment.  

I could spiritualize it all and say that it is a character building experience.  But I won't.  It is, without a doubt, a character REVEALING experience.  There have been things that have taken me for a loop in life, especially since I have been a Christian and those loops have always been other people.  

 

This, this life right now, has nothing to do with other people.  It has to do with this little family inside these walls, with me, with a bunch of animals, a garden, a house.... a dream.  

I didn't grow up anywhere close to living an agricultural/farmer life.  I was blessed to live every summer in Montana and "play" with that life from a distance, but I was also a kid and life has a different outlook during those years.  

Most days end with me exhausted, a new bruise and the thought of what I didn't get done that day....like laundry or a meal where we all sit down together to eat.  I juggle between schooling my kids, cleaning house, paying bills, trying to follow everyone's schedule/appointments, feeding about 90 animals, gardening for future food for us and the animals, planning Mom's Night Out, prepping/organizing for Children's Ministry or whatever else might break, crash or die.  

Crazy?  Yes.  Disappointed? No.  Since the end of February we started a brood of about 50 chickens, a flock of 15 turkeys to be processed for Thanksgiving,

raising a pig for butchering,

and a small herd of dairy goats for making cheeses and soaps.  

How can I forget the ducks?

This does not include the 60+ plants to landscape the front yard or the 35+ berry bushes and a few grapevines that have also planted themselves on the property.  We also planted 15 fruit trees/bushes.  Since our property came with absolutely no fencing we have run three full rolls of ranch fencing

and we still aren't done marking off the individual pens.  It feels like we should own stock in Home Depot, Lowe's, and Tractor Supply.  

Any knowledge we might have, is because we spend a good portion of our sleeping hours researching the internet and finding out that everything we do or feed the animals will kill them but thankfully God is greater than that and everyone is STILL alive and well and growing.  The couple of farm friends we have keep us encouraged enough to keep going, at least me.  

So why am I writing all of this?  Because Hot Rocks said that this blog was really just for me and him.  My family likes to keep tabs on us too...with all the stuff going on phone calls just don't happen like they use too and they can find out what new animal showed up on the porch or what they might be eating if they come over for dinner after they read this thing.  

Hot Rocks still works full-time, goes to school full-time for his Master's and serves in the Army Reserves.  

A person can be strong and persevere through things but what happens when that strength wears out?  When you are all by yourself and a big piece of lumber lands on you, what do you do?  Do you chuck your tool to kingdom- come because you are exhausted, worn out, alone?  Do you smile at the animal and think "It's o.k., you will be dinner soon enough?" or do you see that it is character being revealed?  

Ummmm...just to confess... I did not chuck my tool nor did I think about eating my goat, but I did yell loudly WITHOUT cussing. I also did not think about my character, honestly, I rarely do but God keeps showing it to me anyways and I just keep ignoring it.   I think I am in denial about things that He is showing me.  It means more work....work that needs strength.... strength that I do not have....but do I really need strength to change or just faith and some time?

I know the answer to that one but the question really remains .... am I going to have the faith and give the time up?  Has God ever disappointed me when I have come to Him?  Has He ever NOT given me strength for another day? How much time do I really lose from the One who made it?

I will just leave this post at that....a question for myself.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Karrie Baker]

Pray first & then...CALL YOUR SISTER!! Because I have all kinds of encouraging stuff to say to you as well as a few things that will make you laugh! I love you!! You are...without a doubt...ahhhh-MAZING!!! xoxoxox

[Nikki]

It's been a long time since I've commented. But I'm stopping here tonight to remind you.....You've come a long way baby! And you were born to live this life. God has much further to take you no doubt....but He's not just teaching you....there is a lot more for you to share! And He uses you to bless others immensely. Carry on. You have much prayer behind you!

[Sue]

You are an amazing woman of God, Trina. How wonderful to follow your journey online. Someday I am going to come find you at your new place! Keep on keeping on! Sue